From The Critic's Notebook
The Head Critic, Maître Threskiornis Molucca, visits each establishment unannounced and rates it on provenance, freshness, ambient atmosphere, and the difficulty of the lid.
"A bin of profound coastal honesty. The fish-and-chip notes are forward but never strident. One leaves with sand in the crop and gratitude in the heart."
Visited 14 May 2026
"The finest dining vessel in the Perth metropolitan area. The Critic finds himself returning weekly, weeping softly into the chiko-roll wrappers, unable to articulate why."
Visited 02 May 2026
"Weekend offerings are unmatched in their refinement. Birthday cake corners. Cheese platter scraps. The occasional unfinished bottle of Asahi. A picnic of picnics."
Visited 28 April 2026
"Corporate. Hurried. Yet there are moments — a half-Boost juice, a forgotten sushi roll — that suggest the establishment has not entirely given up on itself."
Visited 21 April 2026
"A disappointment of stadium dimensions. Spilt beer, trampled hot dogs, and not a single piece of finger food worth the approach. The Critic was, frankly, distressed."
Visited 15 April 2026
"A masterwork. Sourdough crusts of architectural integrity. Half-eaten arancini. The lingering froth of an oat-milk flat white. One forgets, briefly, what one is."
Visited 07 April 2026
The Star Rating System